You Sent Me the Weirdest Request

You're a musician/by-product of country music. You sent me a friend request on myspace (which  is my virtual filing cabinet for bands, I don't friend normal people) and it had the fucking weirdest message attached:

"Howdy lil miss lady moonlight with an angel dust face"- ANGEL DUST FACE??!?!? WWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAT??? I think you got the wrong girl here, see, I'm LEGAL.

I just wanted to dedicate my ocean scene country love song #2 "Picture This" to You! - GREAT, AFTERWARDS CAN YOU VOMIT ON MY FACE!!?

his name here~:)" - What is this dopey emoticon?? What is the SQUIGGLE? A mustache? A single strand of hair falling delicately across your face? I don't know, and I don't think I like what it impliez. 

If you see this, your song was as crappy as the morning dew that glistens on fresh droppings lain down by yonder grasshopper. 

Please, PLEASE enjoy, this ones on me. 

http://www.myspace.com/textronictroubadours

Twitter Timez

Follow me at drankzandjokez if you're so inclined. I'll post updates when a new entry is up but none of that shit about what kind of sandwich I'm eating. 

You're a Family of Waker-Uppers

For the past few weeks, my roommate and I have been all snugglytown in our bunkbed until we hear the doorbell. Every time I leap out of bed thinking it's our super with more glue traps (happened), our super with my roommate's wallet (happened), the police (happened), our downstairs neighbor who we filed a harassment report against (happened) and who plays Gospel music whenever she hears us get up in the morning (still happens), or naked neighbor (will probably happen). But it's you, the family that wakes us up to ask us what we believe, subtext, "do you believe the right thing?" SHIIIIIT SON, I believe I was gettin a DELICIOUS dream and REM cycle- I don't get to mother Jay Z's kid everyday! You tote your kids around like schools dont' exist, and I don't even know if you live in the building. 


If you see this, go dance with the neighbor that hates us, she loves strangers and people who are different from her.

To The Guy Who Paid For My Coat Check Last Night Because You Wanted to See My Body

You were coming from the coat check as I was going toward it. You asked if I was going to check my coat, and I said yes and then asked you how much it cost (sometimes they be spensive). You said you would pay for me to check my coat because you wanted to see what was underneath. 


The last time I felt that much pressure was in the sandwich-making line at my college dorm cafeteria when I wanted to take my time and make a tasty ass bagel sandwich. 


After I took my coat off, you and your friends made happy sounds, and then you tipped the coat check lady. Like, WHAT would have happened if I had disappointed with the big reveal?? 


If you see this, don't you love my coat?? It was made by weavers in Ireland.