You Do Things Too Fast

I ran my ass down to the post office the other day trying to make it there before it opened. But of course, even at 9:04, it was a mild clusterfuck in the post office that yelp reviewers wish they could assign negative ratings to. I got in line behind a woman picking her nose, and then you walked in. Oblivious to the line and clearly more important, you walked right up to the window of an employee and said the most unimaginable shit: "I mailed something this morning, and I want to make sure I addressed it correctly." The employee looked at you the way most of us looked at you, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? And then you're reasoning behind it, which you repeated over and over again for what would be the next half hour was, "Sometimes, I just do things so fast." You do things so fast? YOU DO THINGS SO FAST?? If you have time to be at the post office at 9:10 on a Monday morning and wait until the post office employees sift through every piece of mail in their back room to make sure your measly little envelope is addressed correctly, then the turtle would clearly win in that race. Right when I was finished mailing my taxes, I saw a man through the glass hold up an envelope and then heard your voice next to me say, "that's right." Then, you left muttering anger towards the establishment. That was it, you didn't rewrite the address, you didn't even hold it in your hands. People don't get to complain about the service when they're the old coot of the morning. WE get to complain about YOU, that's why people go to the post office.


If you see this, HURRY UP.