To Mark Fisher

I was trying to get some work done at Starbucks last night before going to a party. I sat down, got my music going, and you walked by. Glancing back at me you said, "are you using IWork?" I said, "I have no idea, what's that?" You sat down surrounded by ciggy smoke and asked, "may I?" gesturing toward my Macbook. I don't know why I said sure, but for the next hour, you "updated" my computer with a bunch of shit I don't know how to use or pronounce. You gave me tons of programs and changed all my computer preferences. You also told me you were Mark Fisher, a well-known rock-n-roll photographer/filmmaker. Each time after you added another program you said, "Merry Christmas, eat shit and die." I couldn't stop giggling and blushing because that was the least offensive out of all the phrases you uttered. You eventually left me to die a slow technological death with my "new" and "improved" computer. If you see this, cut your fingernails. Oh, and fix my computer cause I have no idea how to use it.